LMAO I KNOW ITS SO LUDICROUS I can’t picture him looking at a bare pussy without anything other than disinterest or revulsion and tbh I can barely imagine him being in the same room as one without wanting to laugh bc it’s so absurd ITS LIKE OIL AND WATER
malachite is a poisonous mineral. please do not fuck the malachite stalactite
@lizaleigh do you know any rock people that can confirm/deny because I am very curious and really don’t feel like getting into a conversation with my geophysicist brother that MAY somehow get back to the fact I saw a malachite that looked like a weird dildo.
…sadly, I am not on good enough terms with any of our partner geologists to just attach this to an email with the subject line: “EXPLAIN.”
Although I think @mollisaurus is a mineral person. Thoughts?
oh geeze, i’m kinda rusty on minerals but malachite is just copper carbonate and is really common in both antique and modern jewelry so i think like if you were really gun-ho about it you could go ahead and put it wherever you want?
It’s really only a problem if you’re polishing or cutting it. The particles would be bad to breathe. It’s rather porous too, so I would worry about bacteria growing. Well, being literal anyway… Better to leave the poor thing alone. ._.
I mean it kinda depends on where you stick it because malachite does not like acidic environments very much and the malachite will degrade and also might dye your bits blue-green as the copper dissolves out.
So use a condom when fucking rocks is the takeaway here.
Oh my god guys it’s poisonous
It is super poisonous
There is a reason we do not use it in make up any more
Not even with a condom, do not fuck the rock
Try this one instead.
malachite literally explodes in water does it not?
I… no… I think you’re thinking of pure sodium?
Malachite is however water soluble, which really just means it will poison you quicker
This is both hilarious and cool as fuck because you’re getting all this information on minerals and rocks. You’re also watching people argue over wether or not you can fuck this rock
I go on hiatus for a week and come back to find tumblr molesting my post, but hey, at least we all learned something so yay tumblr, you just keep on being you.
I’m still not sure if I can fuck this rock.
I’m looking into it.
UPDATE:
Today in “I’m so sorry, coworkers, it’s for Tumblr,” I brought this post to the attention the science reporters at BuzzFeed. Dan Vergano did a some research and weighed in on the question “Can you use malachite as a dildo or is it toxic?”
The answer is “It’s probably fine, just wash it first and maybe use a bunch of lube.”
Oh man this got so much better than the last time I saw this post
This is my favourite. Science side of tumblr: asking the REAL questions
*biologist crashes through the underbrush*
Ok so here’s the thing though
Malachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days.
Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE.
• Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble– that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite– it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later.
• When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi– so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture).
So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++.
• Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water– but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster.
• In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite.
• I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is.
• Gonna to take a quick moment to point out that sex toys that dissolve when you use them are maybe not the best investment.
• Anyway the key question now is “how fast does the human vagina dissolve malachite?” Are we talking geological timescale, a Nazis-in-Indiana-Jones situation, or something in between? If the reaction kinetics of dissolution are very slow, then there’s nothing to worry about. An encounter with a stalactite would have to last years for enough Cu++ to leach out to cause problems. If it’s quick then we’re in trouble.
• Unfortunately it looks like nobody really knows. One of the best sources on how malachite dissolves & precipitates in water– an EPA document on how to avoid too much Cu++ in municipal drinking water systems– helpfully says “The kinetic constraints on the formation of these solids in water systems are largely unexplored” (p. 42) because end equilibrium points is all you need to run a city water system safely. In other words, the experiments that would tell us how fast malachite dissolves in various types of water just don’t exist because nobody’s ever needed to know before. So we’d better assume it’s going to happen reasonably quickly, #for safety.
• So in best scientific fashion, we’re just going to bullshit our way ahead using what facts we DO have on hand: endpoint equlibria.
That orange box is how many moles of dissolved Cu++ Scaife got from sticking malachite in some water that had 0.171 moles NaCl/L (body salinity is about 0.154 moles NaCl/L so this is slightly less salty than people) at 30°C. He’s got no acidity in there, and again the salinity and temperature are slightly lower than people. But this is probably the closest we’re going to get to data on how malachite behaves in vaginas anytime soon, folks. From this we can take away that if you leave malachite alone in a vagina you’ll get AT LEAST 9.12 x 10^-4 moles/L, or 5.8 ppm, of Cu++ at equilibrium.
• Recall from above that most “malachite” isn’t actually pure malachite, it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. The EPA document elaborates: “[T]raditional ‘eyeball’ identification of malachite by its blue-green color is extremely
unreliable, because almost all cupric hydroxysulfates, hydroxycarbonates, hydroxychlorides,
and even fresh cupric hydroxide can be some shade of blue-green. … Thus, the uncertainty in the computed copper
concentration in equilibrium with malachite is at least about a factor of 2 … until further experimental data focusing on this problem is generated.”
In other words, “do your math and then double how much Cu++ you think is going to be in the water, just in case.” So that gives us 11.6ppm Cu++, at equilibrium, with malachite in a (til now!) healthy vagina.
• Next step: do we have any idea what happens to bacteria in acid conditions with copper? OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY DO. Gyawali et al 2011 checked this out in the context of “so what if we rinsed tomatoes with a solution of lactic acid and copper, because that would be a safe & organic way to get rid of E. coli?” So now this post has officially ruined stalactites, vaginas, and tomatoes.
^This would happen. These are the counts of 4 E. coli strains exposed to various levels of lactic acid & Cu++ for 8 hours. This table only shows the end counts but it represents the death of 99.7% of bacteria*.
• Losing 99.7% of your vaginal flora is seriously bad news. You’re looking at really good odds of a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, and/or other infection issues. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to not be in the 4% of the population or so that’s sensitive to skin contact with copper.
• The good news? Biochemically speaking, you’re probably ok to put it in your butt. It’s not as acidic or salty in there, plus there’s a huuuuuge stockpile of gut microbes right upstream that can quickly repopulate the colon after spelunking is complete. However this stalactite is not flared at the base so it is the wrong shape for putting in your butt. Do not put this stalactite in your butt.
• This all looks like fun and games, but I think it’s really interesting that the internet’s mistake in concluding that this stalactite is fuckable is very similar to the mistake made by the Flint water management system. Hear me out.
• Central to the Flint lead poisoning crisis is that authorities only looked at & tested Flint’s water in its central treatment plant before it went out through the pipes. Not after it went through the pipes. They did not consider what would happen biochemically as it went through the pipes and metals started dissolving.
• Similarly, in concluding that the stalactite is fuckable, the internet only considered the stalactite itself. Not the biochemical processes that would happen to it as it, welp, went through the pipes.
• Media frequently reports that the Flint River’s water is “corrosive,” leading many to believe the river is full of industrial waste. This ain’t the case. You’d need industry to fill a river with industrial waste, and industry left decades ago. That’s why Flint’s so poor. So what IS in the water? Road salt. Plain old stupid road salt. The old Detroit-based source didn’t have salt because it came from Lake Huron which has a large, mostly rural watershed. Meanwhile the Flint River runs through a lot of towns, making it slightly salty as everything melts down in spring. And as we recall from the stalactite experience, a little salt is all it takes to get metals to dissolve.
• Information on this engineering problem was not coming through clearly from the engineering or chemistry sides. It took a biologist, pediatrician Mona Hanna-Attisha, to document the real-time results and provide the data to kick-start a high-level investigation.
• Morals of the story: when dealing with a biological system pls consider asking a biologist, your vagina and/or city could depend on this
• Pls use a condom when fucking any water-soluble material
• Still don’t put the stalactite in your butt -3/10 do not recommend
OK, I haven’t reblogged this before now but the final post takes it to a whole new level and I can no longer resist.
Why is this goddamn post so long I haven’t even read any of it
I cant believe that vague wondering on how a polished stalactite looked kinda like a dildo managed to turn into a long mathematical conversation involving actual tables of research and referencing the Flint water crisis as an example of why it would be a bad idea
Ok @ackbang and me think that we should have a mass pic fest here, anyone in this wonderful eruri family want to join us??
Messy quick lazy Eruri
adding some booty to that caboose
ya’ll mind if i join in? i cant resist an embarrassed levi in lingerie for his soldier hubby
Am i late for this? I just logged on tumblr today and saw lots of beautiful eruri in lingerie and how could i say no
It’s been nine long months of waiting. Thank God that Erwin’s deployment has been boring as hell– Levi would rather have no news than bad news when it comes to the Marines’ movement.
The new set of lingerie came in the mail yesterday, barely in time for tonight’s welcoming home ceremony. Levi scrubs his body down and plans to put the lingerie on beneath clothing, but he only gets halfway when the doorbell rings. Probably one of the other wives needing help wrangling kids in preparation for tonight. He’s been babysitting so much recently, all the families getting antsy with anticipation for becoming complete once more.
Levi throws a robe over his state of indecency and goes to answer the door, absolutely unprepared to see his husband standing there looking smug.
“Hey, baby,” Erwin says, like he was only gone for a day, not for nearly a year. Levi is shocked a little bit dumb and Erwin swoops in, taking Levi and hoisting him up. Levi wraps his legs around his husband’s waist and Erwin kicks the door shut behind him, carrying Levi to the kitchen counter and setting him down to ravish him more easily. Erwin’s hands are kindly cruel, filling Levi with hunger.
Omg! I can’t draw so can I jump in on the writing action @minxiebutt has started here?!
Erwin’s hands find their way to the robe’s belt, quickly untieing it. Levi helped his husband push the robe off his shoulders letting it pool onto the kitchen counter. All he cared was having Erwin touching him in anyway he can. A small whine left Levi’s throat when Erwin’s lips could no longer be felt against his neck. He opened his eye to ask what was wrong to see his husband’s hooded eyes roaming over him as if seeing him for the first time again.
Erwin threaded a rough callous finger along the rim of Levi’s black lace garter. “Well…” his voice was deep. The corners of his mouth spread wide into a wolfy smile. “ This is so much better then any ‘welcome home’ party Hanji was planning.”
A pink hue made it’s home on Levi’s cheeks. He had forgotten about the lingerie in the heated moment. This wasn’t going as he planned. Shoving away any embarrassed thoughts Levi grab hold of Erwin’s shirt. “ Good” He purred before planting a quick kiss on his husband’s lips. “ I better be the best thing compare to anything shitty-glasses can come up with. ”
Erwin growled grabbing his Levi’s hips pulling him closer. It was beginning to look like they would be late to the party.
I can’t draw shit, too. And I’m so pumped by that steamy story @minxiebutt and @teatimewithamz started. Can I please join in? >_>
Erwin fished for Levi’s lips as he tried to pull back his head, teeth gently biting the wet flesh. A satisfied hum left his lips as Levi moaned surprised, fingernails digging through his shirt while in return the taller one ran a hand through his lover’s neck. Erwin’s tounge gently pushed against Levi’s lips and when hot breath met excited breathing, Erwin pulled back his head, a mischievous smile on his face as he bit his lower lip.
“What the fuck?”, Levi growled, eyes widening, cheeks all flushed red while his chest was widening under quick breathing.
“I wanna have a look at you first…”, Erwin declared and pressed his lips together while his hands ran along the sides of Levi’s torso, gently yet eager touching the body that he had missed so much.
Constant, quick breathing filled the kitchen and Levi’s body started to shiver,
muscles twitching uncontrolled as he received the ever so desired and long-abscent attention from the man he loved.
”You look beautiful”, Erwin declared as blue eyes followed the path of his hands, head pulled back slighty, until they found a rest on Levi’s knees, a gentle, pleased smile on his lips, eyes now focusing on Levi’s face again.
Levi’s skin flushed dark pink at his husbands words. As he gazed into Erwin’s eyes he lost the ability to speak, hypnotized by the deep pools of blue he hadn’t seen in nearly a year.
“In fact, I think you’re even more beautiful since I last saw you.” Erwin said softly, leaning in to capture his husband’s lips again.
Levi moaned softly giving into the gentle kiss. Suddenly Levi jerked back slightly as he remembered something. “Shit.” He mumbled under his breath. “We’re going to miss dinner!”
Erwin chuckled. He leaned forward again, strong arms caging the smaller man in. “I was planning on devouring you tonight, dinner can wait.” He whispered huskily into Levi’s ear. “Besides, nothing tastes as sweet as you.”
More people need to join in the fun ❤ Please lovely Eruri fandom ❤
Can I give it a try?
Levi tangled his fingers into Erwin’s hair. He’d missed the texture of the golden strands but he had other things to think about. He clawed into the short, military-cut hair before he yanked Erwin’s head away from him a few inches.
“Mind the lingerie,” he admonished. “Otherwise there won’t be any programme on for tonight.”
He watched as Erwin’s lips stretched further in that wolfish grin. “Yes, sir,” said Erwin, with a hint of a growl in that rich, deep voice that Levi craved.
He wanted more kisses but it seemed that Erwin had other ideas. Was this his way of punishing him, by placing light kisses on the edge of his jaw, his neck– anywhere but his mouth?
Levi could not help the low moan as Erwin nosed his way down the short, black tank top he had on, pausing only to lick lightly on cloth-clad nipples. It was sheer torture, the way Erwin deliberately took his time to tease him, taking him in his scent, the texture of his skin.
Levi could do nothing but spread his legs as Erwin traced the lightest of touches down his abdomen, his navel, with nothing but his lips. When he felt Erwin’s mouth tracing the pattern of the scrap of black lace near his hip, Levi growled, “I said–”
“You seem to be soaking up the lingerie pretty much without my help,” Erwin cut in, glancing up at Levi with a devious little smile.
Levi looked down and felt himself flush. The black silk that covered his straining erection was already damp.
“Shit!” he muttered.
“And I missed you, too,” said Erwin as he dipped his head, and, with just the tip of his tongue, touched Levi’s straining tip through the moist fabric of the lingerie.
Fuck. Fuck yes. All of the yesssssss!
Hello! I’m back! Am I too late to play too? Also….surprise!POV change 😉
The damp silk slipped beneath Erwin’s tongue, sliding over the head of Levi’s swollen cock. It was intoxicating. Erwin could smell him, taste him, feel him dripping through the thin fabric and it drew a low hungry groan from deep within his chest. God he missed this. Missed it so badly it hurt, every month, every day, every second apart from Levi carved a deeper wound in his chest. But it was worth it, it was worth it all to come back to this.
“Oh Levi,” he breathed against the damp fabric, “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much darling.”
The hand in his hair tightened and somewhere above him, Levi bit back a sound that was half admonishment, half desperation, and all desire.
Erwin lapped at Levi’s cock, his balls, soaking the sheer fabric, nipping at the smooth skin of his inner thighs, delicate as the silk of the sodden lingerie, desperate to elicit more of those sweet sounds. It took all Erwin’s self restraint not to sink his teeth into the top of Levi’s thighs where the lace top of the stockings met warm solid muscle. Fuck. No, wait. That’s for later.
Sliding his hand up over the smooth curve of his husband’s ass Erwin could feel where the straps of the garter belt pulled taut and he groaned desperately, shifting to ease the unbearable pressure pooling in his groin. He was already achingly hard, his heavy cock straining against the stiff fabric of his combat pants.
I’m no one to ask but this needs some rimming
Sneaking in again >_> I can’t resist Erurimming (srsly, I commissioned it xD) and since @lostcauses-noregrets did such an amazig work, let me do a quick one here:
“I want to taste you.”, Erwin groaned as his lips parted from Levi’s body. “Show my what you god under that lace”, he demanded, eyes narrowing as he licked his lips in anticipation, hands impatiently wandering over Levi’s thighs, finger nails gently scratching the pale skin. Levi’s body shuddered as he let his right hand wander over his husband’s arm before slowly getting a hold of the dampened lace that was sticking to his throbbing cock.
Levi’s head was spinning – the whole situation got completely out of control and yet it was everything he wanted, everything he needed – and slowly he pulled aside the black lace, cheeks burning hot as he gave Erwin view on his all wet cock.
“You’re beauiful”, Erwin admitted with husky voice after he had held his breath for a moment and drowned into this view. This was so much better than pixelated Skype calls – it was live, it was real and it was a proof that they both were alive – very much alive as his own heated erection reminded him.
Strong hands got a hold of Levi’s knees, gently lifting them up and pushing back his husband who let out a surprised gasp and was reaching out for Erwin’s shoulders as he found himself with his back on the kitchen counter, head against the tiles. “What the fuck are you doing?”, Levi wanted to know, all arrousal gone from his voice and eyes for the moment.
“Taste you. Properly.”, Erwin declared as he lead Levi’s hands from his shoulders to the dampened lace again. “Show yourself to me… show me where you want me to taste you.”, Erwin’s voice almost a whisper as he leaned in, let his hot breath wander over Levi’s inner thighs, inhaling his lover’s scent.
“Fuck.”, Levi wined, as he knew exactly what Erwin wanted. What they both wanted indeed. Nine fucking months. His body had almost forgotten what Erwin’s touch felt like and his hole was twitching in anticipation as he pulled away the lace again and focused on Erwin’s face.
Erwin’s eyes widened, lips parted slightly as he gulped heavily once. “Fuuuuck.”, he moaned before he pressed his face against Levi’s body and drowned himself in the almost forgotten sensation of his husband’s heat. Lips and tongue working intuitive, naturally – his body remembered.
(One more take on the rimming bit, different POV this time. ^_~)
“Show me what you got under that lace.”
Levi watched Erwin’s mouth form the words while his heated gaze told Levi something different: I want to rip that lace off you with my teeth, slowly. Oh so very slowly before I devour you, lover.
Yet he wouldn’t say it, not when it might mean upsetting him, Levi. True, he wanted the lingerie to last, intact, for a few hours more before he let a tigerish Erwin rip it to shreds from his body. By then he would have worked him up to a state where Erwin would not be able to help himself.
So he did as his husband bade him to do, obediently lifting the scrap of black silk and freeing his imprisoned, aching cock to Erwin’s famished gaze. He loved the noise that escaped Erwin, thoroughly involuntary, as the silk came away with a short, clear string of pre-come from the tip of his cock.
They were both losing control, fast, but Levi still had it in him to tease and draw out the moment. He took care to part the lingerie from his body, but not all the way. He made sure that Erwin could not see enough of him, by any stretch of the imagination. He wanted him to beg.
But then Erwin’s voice was his undoing as his husband urged in a whisper: “Show yourself to me… show me where you want me to taste you.”
Suddenly desperate, he pulled away the last bit of the fabric that shielded him from Erwin’s view.
“Fuuuck…” breathed Erwin and there was no nothing else that Levi wanted more than his mouth– the promise of his lips and tongue on the place where Levi was sensitive, hungering for him.
Levi watched Erwin slowly lower his head as if in worship and his mouth dropped open at the first caress, the first, teasing brush of soft lips, followed by a wet, pointed tongue that traced and encircled the firm ring of muscle that guarded the entrance to his body, as yet closed. Levi shuddered, moaning as Erwin tasted him leisurely. His tongue was a flickering flame as he coaxed Levi’s body to remember him; his touch, at once gentle but firm, growing bolder as Levi gradually opened up to him.
“Erwin, Erwin…” Levi whispered the name as though it were a potent prayer. “Hurry…”
He lost the power to utter words just a second later as he felt that firm, pointed tongue piercing deep into him; as his body, starved for so long, yielded to Erwin’s flesh, already eagerly anticipating the larger, more substantial penetration that must follow. Soon.
….because I want to get involved but too scared to write smut this publicly.
Down at the mess hall in the Barracks a small party had begun, each husband and wife with their loved ones. Hanji never let go of Molbit, Mike and nabana glad to be back together. 9 months has put it’s toll on the whole group. As Mike swigs on his beer, arm wrapped around nabana molbit finally joins with hanji dragging behind.
“So, have we seen Erwin anywhere. I haven’t seen him since the change in Berlin?” Molbit asks taking a long drink.
At his since Mike snorts a quiet laugh. “Where you think?”
Molbit flushes as illicit thoughts of his commanding officer come to mind. “ Oh yes, of course.”
Please don’t mind me just dropping some art by~ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Hng hng had to join in once I saw this post, I ofc couldn’t capture all those wonderful fics but I included some aspects enjoy~
I have come to terms with how I draw Erwin’s butt I know I can never have it as perfect as I want it to be so I’m just gonna make do with apple bottom Erwin goodnight
Erwin felt a shiver ripple through his body as Levi’s hands slid down the muscles of his ass. “What?”
“I always wondered how you’d look bent over in front of me.” Levi’s fingers curled into the muscle. “That is way fucking hotter than anything I imagined.“
Super late for this prompt and actually this is old as balls because I did the first rough sketch in August 2014 OTL Back then everyone was so obsessed with Erwin’s manboobs (and still is) but how has no one ever considered eruri titty fucks? I forgot to mirror one of the pictures back so let’s pretend Levi switched his hands lol
Click on the pic (or right click -> show image (whatever it’s called in English)) for the fullview~
My Tasteful Adult Art Collection 